Libraries and Learning Moments

Yesterday I went with one of my daughters to The Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum. It wasn't our first time there, but we found ourselves moved again by the story of President Lincoln's life, his losses and triumphs, his death.
“It made me cry,” I said as we left.
“Me, too,” said my daughter. “That's why I didn't stay right with you!”
This museum in Springfield, Illinois tells the story of President Lincoln's life in a way that evokes emotion as well as educates. Some areas are exceptionally intense. The Whispering Gallery, with editorial cartoons that vilify not just President Lincoln but also his wife, is hard to walk through – but also familiar; we still make mean fun of our President, no matter who he is.
Another part of the exhibit includes a White House bedroom where Willie Lincoln lies dying even as a Presidential ball takes place “downstairs” -- the exhibit is set up so that we hear the music from the ball, see the President leaning into the room, having left the ball just for a moment to check on his boy; see Mrs. Lincoln leaning over Willie in bed.
As we walked my daughter wondered if it would be appropriate to bring her 7-year old son to the museum. He's asked to come, but she is having a hard time deciding if it would be something he would understand, be able to put in perspective, or if it would be too much too soon.
Besides the personal stories the museum tells, there is a great deal about the Civil War. The museum doesn't sugar-coat the death and dying.
How much is appropriate for a child to see? At what age?
How does a parent or a grandparent decide?

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Which brings up some of those “I wish I'd been more careful” grandparenting moments.
Two of our grandkids spent a week-end with us recently. After a busy afternoon they were both tired – not quite tired enough for naps, but too tired for much of anything else.
“Would you like to watch a video?” I asked, and of course, they would.
Shuffling through our collection of old videos, they came across The Wizard of Oz. “This one,” they said.
“I don't know,” I said. “Maybe your mom wouldn't like for you to see this. It can be kind of scary.”
“Oh, mom won't mind,” said the older.
“Yeah, grandma. You can sit with us and watch it so we won't be scared,” said the younger.
So I relented, put the video in, and when the scary tornado came I sat with them, and the scary witch, and the scary monkeys. Everyone was deliciously scared – I thought – and then the movie was over with everyone happy, back in Kansas.
When the grandkids went home, they were excited to tell their mom about the scary movie they'd seen. She called right away.
At first I thought her concern was that I'd let them watch a scary movie, so I explained I'd been right there with them, we'd talked about the scary parts later, and I thought they were doing OK.
“But we wanted to watch that movie with them ourselves. It's a classic and we were saving it to watch together when they are a little older,” she explained patiently.
My heart sank as I realized I'd messed up. I should have checked with my daughter before I let the kids watch the movie.
Later, accepting my apology, she said, “How could you possibly have known we wanted to watch that movie with them?”
But the principle is checking with the parents before doing anything you aren't sure about – and I didn't.
It's like coaxing my daughter-in-law to let her 2-year old stay up “just a little longer” to do one more thing, then watching as, just as she said, he had a melt-down because he was too tired.
As a grandma it's important to listen to our children tell us about our grandchildren, and to ask when we don't know. It's important to recognize their parental insight, as well as to respect their right to parent the way they think best.
I think I need to remember that!

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So, when it comes to deciding what a child is ready to do or see, a parent's gut feeling is important. A mom or a dad probably have a good sense about what a particular child is ready for, what they can handle.
My daughter was doing something smart: she went to see for herself, again, just what her child might see and experience at the museum. Although she's been there before, this time she went and walked through, trying to see the exhibits from the perspective of a curious 7-year old. That's wise.
She also noticed some parts of the museum were more appropriate for her son at this age than other areas. Areas that tell the story of President Lincoln's early life – the log cabin, the store at New Salem, the law office where his two sons are making a big mess – these parts of the exhibit might be fine for a 7-year old. Other sections of this part of the exhibit – particularly the slave market section – might not be easily explained. If she lets him see that part, she'll at least have time to prepare to talk about it with him.
It's important to encourage a child's curiosity, but you don't want to overwhelm a child with information or emotions they aren't ready to process, either.
It's a good thing to think about when we consider vacation plans.

Are You There, Grandma???

It's easy to forget how difficult it is to accomplish anything easily measured when there are toddlers and pre-schoolers around.
As a young mom I remember feeling like a failure most of the time because our house was hardly ever neat and tidy. It was a constant challenge just to keep toys picked up, laundry done and meals on the table – and I hardly ever seemed to catch up.
This summer we've tried to make lots of time to spend with grandchildren, and I'm remembering just why it's difficult to accomplish anything easily measured while the kids are around: because they like to talk.
Specifically they like to talk to any adult within listening distance. And they like you to listen, and maybe talk back.
These conversations are interesting and important, but they don't lend themselves so well to efficiency. It's hard to watch a bug on the sidewalk and fold laundry at the same time!

Kit Kittredge, American Girl movie

The 5-year old and her mom invited me to go with them to the new American Girl movie, Kit Kittredge, this afternoon. While the 5-year old eventually got wiggly, her mom and I enjoyed the movie a lot.
Kit Kittredge is one of the American Girl character dolls; her story is set during the Great Depression, and the movie is faithful to that setting. The sets, costumes, and story all reflected that time-period realistically, and for a young girl (maybe a little older than 5 years old!) who has a Kit doll, or who is interested in history, or whose heart can be captured by a good story, this is a great movie.

Shopping Notes . . .

One of my daughters and one of my daughters-in-law both told me a neat shopping secret: Stride Rite shoe stores carry a great line of toys, at least in our area.
I love Melissa and Doug toys, for their quality, for their variety, for their – play-ability. I observe that my grandkids love them, too – they are often the first toys the kids go for. Our play kitchen is well stocked with Melissa and Doug play food and kitchen utensils. We have their wooden puzzles, and I'm sure as time goes by we'll acquire more of their toys for our play stash, as well as give them as birthday and Christmas gifts.
Our local Stride Rite shoe store carries great shoes, as well as a good selection of Melissa and Doug toys. If you haven't checked out these products, you can get an idea of what they offer or find a store near you at the Stride Rite website or the Melissa and Doug website.

Week-end Fun

Two of our grandchildren came for a sleep-over this past week-end. They slept in the upstairs bedroom where the morning light comes in full, strong, and early.
“They wake up early,” said their mom when she brought them to stay, forgetting that, when she was their age, she, too woke up with first light and the birds.
They did wake up early, giggling their way down the stairs and into our bedroom where grandpa gruffly told them it wasn't time to get up yet. They didn't see his grin as he rolled over, tucking his pillow under his head.
The 7-year old has learned to tell time this past year, so the next morning we told him they had to stay in the bedroom reading or looking out the window til 6:45 – and they did. There is something about showing off a new skill one has mastered that kept them upstairs until precisely 6:45 a.m.
Good times . . .

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While they were visiting we visited Lakeview Museum to see the Discovery Center, the Grossology exhibit, and the Planetarium.
One of the best things about having kids around is that they give us an excuse to do kid things, too. The Discovery Center is full of fun things to do – create a cloud, put your hand into a tornado, gaze into the funhouse mirror. Of course there is science and technology behind each aspect of the Discovery Center but it's so much fun that no one minds the learning.
The Grossology exhibit was, well, gross. The 7-year old liked the snot exhibit, particularly the faucet-nose part. But the real hit of the day was the Planetarium. Even the 4-year old enjoyed sitting in the darkened room and looking up at the stars.
“Mommy and Daddy don't let me stay up this late,” she whispered as the lights went down.
We saw a show that detailed the race for space that is geared to older kids, but even the 7-year old was excited to see the rockets, the moon walk, and the deep-space sky. We were impressed with the experience, too – the Planetarium, featuring something called Powerdome, is much more like an IMAX theater than we remembered, and it was thrilling to sit there and feel as if we were headed out to space, too.
It's fun to be a kid again!

The Art of Encouragement

Randy Pausch's book The Last Lecture is about how he is handling his own impending death from pancreatic cancer.
One of the things he talks about is how blessed he has been in his family. His relationship with his dad has helped make him the man he's grown to be.
Randy Pausch's dad helped him dream, helped him believe he could achieve his dreams. He didn't withhold honest evaluations of Randy's efforts, but he was able to season those evaluations with enough encouragement to keep his son believing his dreams were within reach.
What a gift that is! And parents aren't the only ones who can offer a gift like that – grandparents can, friends can, teachers can.
Randy Pausch makes the point that when we've received encouragement, it's good for us to pass it on to others. It's one of many good things Randy shares in this book. I encourage you to read it, and be encouraged yourself.

Too Young To Be a Grandma?

Yesterday I was talking with friends when one of them, whose son is getting married soon, said, “It's too early for me to be a grandma – I'm not ready for that yet!”
I laughed, remembering a time when I felt the same way.
In fact, I'm often surprised to realize I'm a grandma now.
I think that's because often, we don't feel our age. Oh, we might feel a little stiff when we kneel out in the garden too long, or when we stay up too late the night before but when I stop to think of it, I've always felt stiff when I knelt too long in the garden, and I've never been good at staying up too late.
What does it mean to be a grandmother?
For me, it's opportunities.
As a grandma, I have the opportunity to serve my family. Some of my children seek my advice or ask about my experience. Some of my children ask for help in practical ways, with child care or help with a sick child. Some of my children just want someone to share their joy.
I can do those things.
I also have the opportunity to pass on to my grandchildren some of the things I think are important: faith. Family history. Family artifacts (yes – stuff!)
How to bake a pie, or sew on a button, or plant a flower bed.
Being a grandma is really a continuation of being a mom – many of the tasks are similar, but not as constant or intense. There are exceptions, of course, but many of the skills I honed as a mom are the same ones I call on as a grandma. And many of the pleasures I enjoyed as a mom are the ones I enjoy as a grandma – cuddling a child on my lap. Reading together. Sharing a laugh over something silly.
We may think we aren't ready to be grandmas, but the truth is, we've been getting ready for the job since we first became moms.

A Day In The Life . . .

Do you have a young grandchild who lives a long way away? Here's an idea for staying in touch: create a “Grandma's House” photo album. Include photographs of your kitchen, dining room, living room, yard, and a bedroom or two – enough to make your home seem familiar when she does come to visit.
Include some photographs of yourself, your spouse, any pets, perhaps some of your friends or people you might see every day – the postman, or the lady who checks your groceries when you shop. Be sure you add a photograph of yourself talking on the telephone or sitting at your desk. Then when you talk or write to your grandchild, remind them of that photograph.
The idea is to give your grandchild a sense of who you are in context. You can turn it into a photo essay -- “A Day in Grandma's Life” -- if you feel especially creative.
You can do this online if your family is more used to using computers to keep in touch, but a hard copy is nice for your grandchild; she can carry it around and look at it whenever she wants.
And if you're a mom with small children, consider turning this idea around: make a “Baby's Day” photo album for your parents or in-laws.
I can just about promise they'll love it!

Summer Adventures

Yesterday's mail brought two letters from grandkids – one with illustrations of a recent zoo trip, the other with a real letter written by our almost second-grader grandson, complete with a fine description of the rhinosceros.
It didn't take much effort to prepare the envelopes I gave them, and the reward has been delightful!
To keep things going, I'm planning a letter writing session of my own – it's my turn!
In the Summer 2008 issue of a relatively new magazine, Life: Beautiful (you can find them online at www:lifebeautifulmagazine.com) there is an article about making stationery. I'm intrigued! I don't know if I'll get up the nerve to try it (I'm a craft-challenged grandma!) but who knows – summer is a time for adventures of all kinds!
I'll keep you posted!

Sharing Books , Sharing Music

If you are looking for a good book to share with your kids or grandkids about music, may I suggest two?
The first, by Leo and Diane Dillon, is called Jazz on a Saturday Night, and includes a bonus CD inside. Published by The Blue Sky Press (an imprint of Scholastic Inc.) in 2007, this book introduces kids to jazz, a uniquely American art form.
Imagining a “Dream Team” of musicians including Miles Davis, Ella Fitzgerald, and Thelonius Monk playing together, (an event the authors are careful in the foreword to explain never actually took place) the text describes what happens on a Saturday night when jazz musicians “smile with a meeting of eyes. A cool night, a cool note – they all improvise.”
The illustrations in this book add to the fun, showcasing instruments and musicians while lending a sense of actually being there, enjoying the cool music.
A different kind of music is suggested in Nancy White Carlstrom's book Glory. Illustrated by Debra Reid Jenkins, this brightly colored book, published by Eerdmans Books for Young Readers, is a song of praise for the things a child might appreciate about God's creation.
Although no melody is indicated, this is a book you might read – or make up your own melody and sing – to a child who, perhaps might want to add his own verse or song of praise to God.
The language here is simple, referring to things a small child might be familiar with, or have imagined. There are references to how things sound, which can help you initiate conversation about their various musical qualities.
And – it's just a fun read, full of playful references like “Glory Glory Glory be to God for winging, swimming, singing ones of sky and sea and earth. All creatures large, all creatures small, that dance and leap and curl and crawl. . .”
It's always a good day to share a song – or a book – with someone you love!